I Get It Now.

This post can start with an apology. My friends who have gone down the adoption road, you mother's whose heart was filled with that child, my compatriots in the fight for our children, I didn't understand.

I have stood beside you and said the right things. I have hugged you and considered myself a fellow traveller down this road with you. I have insisted that God has the best timing. I have said I am praying (and I did pray). I have loved you moms. But I didn't get it.

I thought I did. Although I have been through an adoption before, the way was so quick, the workload was heavy and it flew by. Ella was in my arms the week after we knew she was ours. Maggie and Hawa have been loved on and cared for by our little quirky family for 2 years. Our struggles have been so small.

But four months after kissing my precious babies, wiping Hawa's tears and promising momma will be "right back". I'm still not there. My heart aches. I see a picture of their feet and I can't even describe the desire to be tickling them. I think about them like a love sick teenager. I understand that hurt and haunt now. I apologize for not really understanding. Loving those kids far away is the most wonderful hurt imaginable.

I'm sorry my words were inadequate. I'm sorry I didn't pray more. I'm sorry that you were hurting like you were. This is hard stuff.

What words should I have said? "Guys, this sucks." God's hand is all over this, but so is the enemies and our families are his target. Sister in Christ, be strong and fight.

Ephesians 6:12, Ephesians 6:11, Psalm 144:1, 2 Corinthians 10:3-4

We are fighters. We are tired sad fighters some days, but fighters none the less.
I am sorry for not warring with you properly. I will do better from this moment forward. I get it now. These people are under our skins and in our hearts.

We are making progress. I could go into detail but it is Africa and trust me, any progress is progress and it never makes sense. We should have tangible progress in our hands in a week or so, then we will party a little, folks!

In the meantime, Michael has been a rockstar, caring for two toddlers, running to the center almost daily to help with lockdown issues and spending a considerable amount of time with other NGO's and Social Welfare. Go ahead, say it, he's awesome...I done goooood.
Thank you for your prayers and continued support. Thank you for lifting us up and checking in on us. Thank you for joining our war.